A short reflection from a first-year seminary student

Before I began my seminary journey last fall, I reached out to a handful of women scholars/ and pastors via IG DM. The truth is, I don’t know anyone in this tightly knit world. I don’t have a ton of access to any female mentors or even female teaching faculty at my school, especially as a distance student. As a caregiver, I can’t attend conferences and networking events. But I was determined to do anything I could to set myself up for success. It’s been over 17 years since I’ve been a student and returning to a classroom setting terrified me. So, I sent a few short messages, asking these women for advice, maybe a few little tips and tricks that might help set a busy mom up for success. How do they organize their research? What helped them maximize logos? How do they plan when they are going to get their work done? Those were the kind of topics that I really just wanted to talk to someone about. Logistics, mostly.

…but I was discouraged at the responses I received.

almost all of them replied with a variation of:

“Don’t feel bad if you need to quit.”

“Some of these men are really horrible. Don’t take it personally. The Holy Spirit won’t make you persevere through abuse. You don’t get a badge of honor for sticking it out.”

“If you need to switch to another seminary, do it sooner rather than later. you aren’t a failure.”

“Never ask them for help. ever. Don’t ever let them (men) see you upset.”

Make no mistake, these are strong brilliant women who are widely respected… warning other women about the challenges that exist in some of these spaces.

And I get that women want to protect other women and warn one another about the awful parts… But if we aren’t cheering one another on too— welcoming more women into this world and letting one another in on the good parts, then what are we even doing?

I’d also like to recognize that I know many women have endured some truly horrific things, and I’m immeasurably grateful for the women who pioneered through quite a bit of pain so that someone like me could have a shot of feeling even slightly at home. Because of what they went through, things are changing.

But on the first day of my very first ST class, the apprehension I had been feeling since those interactions began to dissipate. While opening my course files in canvas, I noticed a detailed argument from my prof supporting women in ministry (and seminary). It was as if he was saying “our sisters’ belonging isn’t up for debate.” That small file empowered me to believe I could belong, even before I found my groove.

Then, I met my peer mentor group, and they have been an integral part of my support system. I couldn’t have made it through this year without them. I’m grateful for my pastor friends that have supported me the whole way through, my profs/peers for welcoming me into this world, and for the brothers here who are true champions & advocates for their sisters in ministry (in public, not just in secret). Being here has helped me to love & revere the bible more, drawn me closer to God & God’s family, and empowered me to know that simply obeying God on God’s own terms (step by step) is enough.

And I just want to say that if you’re like me, a woman who is an outsider to this weird and unfamiliar world of academia, I’M CHEERING YOU ON.

I believe in you.

You CAN do this, and you deserve to hear that.

So, if you’re a woman starting seminary in the fall, let yourself be excited because you belong here too.

Yes, it will be hard. Yes, some people will be awful, that is true…. but not awful like a catastrophic earthquake, more like an annoying sunburn. Temporary and treatable, never outside of the scope and possibility for healing. Apply your sunscreen. Hang in the shade when you need to. Pack some aloe. But decide in advance to enjoy this season because the good will outweigh the bad by a longshot.

Give yourself permission to look forward to the good more than you brace for the bad, because doing this work unto the Lord with God and God’s family is actually going to be a lot of fun.

#womeninseminary #teachtruthlovewell